My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You may now shotgun with the bride
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
