The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
