He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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