They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
