Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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