the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize