I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
