You can't special order awesome
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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