I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
