We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
