so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
