high people should be assigned attendants
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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