I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No subtext here. People are naked.
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Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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