do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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