Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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