Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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