Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
