Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
