Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
