smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
