you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
