guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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