Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
