She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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