none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
