So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
