haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
