remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
