i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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