Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
