Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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