I want to make a zoo with you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog