I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
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you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes