my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.