So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun