dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.