you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins