found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.