So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
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Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time