Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
