Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
