Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
