So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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