Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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