So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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