she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
