I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
