Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
