i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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