Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
