I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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