This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
