she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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