Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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