Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
