It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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