So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
