he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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