what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
