Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
