this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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