I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
