It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This baby is an asshole
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
