I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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