I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
