What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
