Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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