Where are you?
In a non slutty way
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
