K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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