Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
