i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
