your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
