i wish my penis had a tongue
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
