I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
