bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
